Mom guilt is like the overpriced souvenir you didn’t even want from the carnival of motherhood.
Motherhood is a journey filled with joy, love, and immeasurable rewards. Yet, it’s also accompanied by an all-too-familiar companion: mom guilt. Whether it’s feeling guilty for taking time for ourselves, missing a milestone, or simply not feeling like we’re doing enough, mom guilt can weigh heavily on our hearts and minds. However, it’s important to recognize that mom guilt is a common experience shared by mothers worldwide, and overcoming it is within our reach. In this blog post, we’ll explore nine empowering ways moms can overcome mom guilt and thrive.
Ways Moms Can Overcome Mom-Guilt
Set Realistic Expectations
I can’t even tell you how many times I set myself up for failure by setting unrealistic standards for myself and feeling like the most crappiest piece of crap for not succeeding on the first try.
Be honest with yourself about what you really can accomplish with all the obstacles you come across on a daily basis. Understand that you can’t do it all, and that’s okay. Focus on what truly matters and let go of the pressure to meet unrealistic standards.
Set Boundaries
One of the first things I learned as a young mom during the pandemic was not to put myself or my child in a situation where I would have to go full-force mama bear. If you know you have an overbearing extended family who refuses to respect your wishes, it may be the right thing to limit their access to you and your child.
Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your time, energy, and well-being. Learn to say no to commitments and activities that drain you or add unnecessary stress. Prioritize activities that align with your values and bring you joy. Don’t be afraid to say no, and don’t be afraid to tell other people to bugger off as a means of protecting your mental health.
Lead By Example
Show your children the importance of self-love, self-compassion, and resilience by leading by example. Demonstrate healthy coping mechanisms, positive self-talk, and a growth mindset in your daily life.
One thing I have been doing a lot since my son became a talkative little toddler, is helping him to identify and handle his emotions. So I practice with him by modeling. I say things like, “Hey, I am sad because of this,” and “Playing this game with you made me really happy.”
It’s weird because I have found myself unlearning a lot of my unhealthy habits just by trying to teach my son a better way. I have always been the kind of person who insults myself before complimenting myself. I have been told that I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be, and I have always feared that I will inevitably pass it on to my children. Thankfully, so far, my son has been really receptive to my modeling, and I hope to continue teaching him self-compassion more and more as he grows.
Embrace Imperfection
As a parent, you’re going to make mistakes. That is non-negotiable. It happens to every single one of us, regardless of how hard we try to be the perfect mom.
Accept that you are not the perfect mom. There is no such thing. Imperfection is part of the journey of motherhood. Forgive yourself for the mistakes. Embrace the messy moments, the mistakes, and the lessons learned along the way. Remember that being a good mom doesn’t mean being flawless; it means being present and loving.
Seek Support
Read this next part out loud.
I cannot do everything by myself. I am one person. I cannot do everything on my own.
Got it? Good.
Reach out to other moms for support and understanding. Share your struggles and triumphs, knowing that you’re not alone in your journey. Surround yourself with a supportive community that uplifts and encourages you.
At the bottom of this post, you can check out my TikTok account. I would love to connect with you and share our journies as mothers together. If, maybe I’m not really someone you relate to, that is okay! Find YOUR village.
Celebrate Small Victories
One of the best ways I’ve found to overcome my own mom-guilt is to celebrate as many wins as I can.
My son is finally saying the words I’ve been practicing with him for weeks. Let’s have a dance party. I reached 3,000 followers on TikTok. Let’s buy a cake with “3k” written on it, and make it a big thing.
Celebrate the small victories and milestones, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Recognize and acknowledge your efforts, no matter how small, and celebrate the progress you’ve made along the way. The real trick to overcoming mom guilt is adjusting your mindset and your daily habits.
Practice Self-Care
Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Prioritize activities that recharge your batteries, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or enjoying a hot bath with Epson salts.
I used to feel like absolute crap for just taking the time to care for myself. Until my son was about 10 months old, I would feel overwhelmed with guilt whenever he was out of my sight. He was my baby, my responsibility. I needed to keep him safe, and I needed to have him with me.
At the same time, I was exhausted and overwhelmed when I did have him. I would feel terrible because I didn’t have the energy to do any more than the bare minimum.
Remember, taking care of yourself enables you to better care of your family.
As cliche as it sounds, you really can’t pour from an empty cup.
Focus on Quality Over Quantity
Shift your focus from the quantity of time spent with your children to the quality of that time. Be fully present and engaged during moments of connection, and cherish the memories you create together.
I started putting my phone away when my son gets home from school and just giving him an hour of my undivided attention. No distractions. Just us on the floor in his room, playing with toys and using our imagination. The way this has transformed our relationship with each other, his development, and the relationship I have with my own identity as a mother has been incredible.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, so maybe you don’t have a free hour every day. Maybe you have a tightly knit evening routine, where there just isn’t any wiggle room. That is okay. The point is to stop focusing on how much time you spend quality time with your kids but instead, focus on making memories that they will cherish for years to come.
Bathtime is a good way to turn a plain regular activity into an amazingly fun experience that they will always remember. Here are some of the bath toys my three-year-old absolutely adores.
Use Daily Affirmations
Return that damn overpriced souvenir to the carnival. Replace self-criticism with self-love and positive affirmations. Reframe your perspective to focus on your strengths and accomplishments.
Like I’ve mentioned before, this is a topic that is very personal to me. That’s why I wrote and shared these 50 affirmations to help other moms like us. Feel free to pin the post and refer back to them as often as you need to. I read them out loud every morning.
One of my TikTok followers told me she wrote them all out on post-its and put them up on a mirror in her bedroom. Before anything else, she takes a post-it off the mirror every morning and reads it out loud. According to her, it’s a great way to start your day on a high note.
All in All
We all deal with the mom-guilt. I would be lying if I said I’m completely cured of it, even with implementing all of these strategies into my lifestyle.
However, the angel on my shoulder has gotten a lot better at shutting up the devil. If y’all try these out, I’d love to know which tips you connect with the most! Please leave a comment below or connect with me on social media where we talk about these topics even more.
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